I’m Autistic…here’s how I’m dealing with Lockdown

‘I bet self isolation comes naturally to you doesn’t it?’

‘No one needs to tell you to socially distance, am I right?’

‘The benefit people like you have during this time is you’re always very happy with your own company’

These are three of the statements I’ve heard from various people during lockdown. They’re (usually) intended in good faith, yet come across patronizing

The truth is that a lot of autistic people are struggling just as much with everyone else. While I do enjoy my own company and often become overwhelmed, that does not mean I don’t look forward to regaining the freedom I had in the pre-coronavirus world.

While in pre-lockdown life there were lots of sensory simulators -the train journey, the buzz of city life, live music – my heightened perception means they can motivate or enthuse, just as they can scare or overwhelm.

And all that is going to come back. I’ve said before that I’ve learned not to take anything for granted, and those emotional or sensory stimulants, and the routine that comes with them, may present themselves as yet more stimulating.

In the meantime, here are some of the ways I am learning to deal with lockdown, day by day.

Routine

Understandably routine often gets confused with repetition -and that’s certainly part of the idea, though it need not be a laborious process.

In lockdown, days have tendency to blur into one – the stagnant feeling that life is not going forward or backward can lead to a lack of motivation. Indeed, the idea of routine grants me and some autistic individuals a great amount of comfort – it helps to create a sense of sureness in our actions, and our thoughts (The amount of times I’ve been doing research and my minds decided to focus on a complete unrelated matter!) – Its easier to feel productive if you have set aims and goals to work towards vs. being in the weird in between space, when you are unsure as to how to fill your time.

Lockdown has taken away that environment, very much by making my home and work life inseparable. I do not live on my own, and more than once I’ve found myself awkwardly having to tie the loose ends of my day together, reconciling a particularly noisy day at home with an important meeting. Having a routine allows me to mentally separate the two mindsets.

‘Stimming’ and stimulation

Shorthand for self stimulatory behaviour, you may have witnessed stimming through autistic people rocking back and forth, flapping their hands, repeating words or phrases. It appears odd, but like routine it is an important form of self regulation – as the AsIAm blog explains

An autistic person is able to self-regulate through stimming and navigate their sensory environment. This helps them cope with challenges in their sensory processing in their day-to-day lives. It is a means of easing physical pain and internal anxiety as well as expressing one’s emotions, from frustration to joy.

AsIAm blog (2018)

Often not allowing an autistic person to express this is harmful as it can generally trigger information overload or ‘meltdown’. With respect to lockdown, we have less of a sensory environment surrounding us, yet its one of the most emotional times many of us have ever experienced. If I read a news article that triggers an emotional response, I’ll often pace around my room to keep my feelings in check.

That’s not to say that ‘stimming’ is bad – Indeed, as mentioned at the beginning of the article, I miss the rush of sensations that greet me on a day to day basis, which allow me to make sense of the world.

I’m still going for walks, making sure to cook myself a variety of foods, listening to a range of different music, I could go on. These elements alter my mood massively – a nice walk through the local wood, one of my favourite foods or an album I get an emotional response to can cheer me up, just as a mean word from someone can mess me up massively – its always been that way.

Music and Writing

“Some mornings I pray for evening, for the day to be done and some summer days I hide away and wait for rain to come ’cause it turns out hell will not be found within the fires below, yet in making do and muddling through when you’ve nowhere else to go.

So then I remember you, and the way you shine like truth in all you do and if you remembered me you could save me from the way I tend to be, the way I tend to be”

Frank Turner

Another element of autism is obsession. Actually, scratch that – obsession is a nasty word. One element of autism is having a passion for a range of particular subjects. I have a few of these; I have touched on my love of journalism and getting to the depths of a mystery or investigation (an interest which leads me down some very weird research rabbit holes). I’ve chosen to focus on music here, cause this is a blog post about coping and occasionally feels like the one element keeping me sane.

Music is not so much a means of escape. Rather, listening and putting my thoughts on music to paper provides the means to articulate my emotional up’s and downs in a way that I may not be able to express otherwise. If I’m feeling depressed I’ll quite often listen to a song that expresses those feelings. Simultaneously, if I’m having an up day, I will listen to positive music. Through that I’m able to experience a form of emotional management which allows for a form of catharsis while simultaneously calming me down.

So you see through this ‘obsession’ I can exercise a form of emotional and self regulation that allows me to cope during lockdown.

An Atypical Perspective…

Routines are valuable: planning weeks into advance reminds me that this is temporary. Very much like ticking off tasks each week, across a long plan, while working towards the eventual lifting of restrictions. Its like having a sense of power, almost, to say ‘right’ I’ve got through everything I needed to do in that month, and I’ve got a plan for the next.

Having sensory input is important: And indeed, dealing with that can be an essential learning process. Surviving this in a healthy way will require regulating my emotions in a way which provides seeing sensory input as positive, and reacting to that in a way which helps me make sense of those emotions.

Having a passion is vital: Using music as a form of self-regulation and putting those emotions to paper has been very useful – as someone who runs a separate blog on the subject, and writes for various publications, the activity not only allows me to set targets for myself in a time when it can be easy to question the meaning in our lives, but preoccupies my admittedly busy mind on an analytical and skillful task.

I hope these tips can help whether you are autistic or neurotypical…

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